Breaking the Cycle: Why It’s Time to Stop Telling Daughters to “Adjust”
Every time we hear heartbreaking stories like those of Twisha Sharma and Deepika Nagar, a collective wave of grief hits us. It’s devastating. In my spiritual and intuitive practice, I frequently speak with brilliant, vibrant women who are completely emotionally shattered. They often sit down and ask me through tears: “What am I doing wrong?” My answer is always immediate: Nothing. You are not the problem.
In Indian society, we are obsessed with fixing daughters—teaching them to endure, to adjust, or advising parents on how to pull them out of toxic situations. But if we look at the actual energy destroying modern Indian marriages, the burden of change doesn’t belong to the daughters. It belongs to the sons, and most importantly, to their mothers.
The Illusion of the “Educated” Household
When a newlywed woman enters an affluent, highly educated family only to be treated like a complete outsider, a dangerous psychological game begins. She is shut out of financial discussions, excluded from family decisions, and isolated during celebrations. Then come the passive-aggressive taunts, anchored by the infamous phrase: “Hamare yahan aise nahi hota.” This isn’t just “family drama.” Forcing a woman to alter her clothes, food, mindset, and entire identity is psychological torture. It makes her question her own sanity and upbringing, systematically driving a healthy person into a corner of severe anxiety, panic attacks, and deep depression.
[ Toxic Expectations ] ---> [ Severe Psychological Toll ]
"Hamare yahan aise..." Anxiety, Depression & PanicA Call for Healthy Boundaries
For a new relationship to blossom, a newlywed couple needs physical and emotional space to build their world on their own terms.
To the mothers of Indian men: it is time to take a step back. Your son’s marriage is not a battleground for your dominance, nor is a daughter-in-law a threat to your position. Let’s stop telling women to just “bear it.” If we want to save lives, the change must start with how we raise our sons and how mothers manage their own egos. If control matters more to a family than a human life, it is time for a serious reckoning.
“Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it, possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.” Maya Angelou
Written by Maanya Kohli, one of India’s most trusted Tarot readers and founder of Lady of Tarot.
